2/21

As I was drifting off to sleep I had a talk with God. I told him I was feeling alone and lonely and didn't understand why I was still single. Ive had all these chances to make a relationship and they have all failed. I got my answer in the dream... wow was it amazing!!

I was in an elevator going up, minding my own business. Every man that got on was rude, abusive, mean, pushy or scarey. Finally the elevator stops at the 70th floor and I get off. I look around and am told that I can have my pick of ANY of the homes as long as they are vacant. I spot one with a view off in the distance. It looks pretty, looks like it has a great view but as I get closer I see that the yard is nothing but rocks so I can't plant my garden and the outside of the house is pretty but the inside is burned and in horrible shape. I have a woman with a bunch of kids come up to me and beg me to let her have the house for 7 ounces of banana. I figure sure, I don't want something this ugly anyways. So I walk away with my bananas. I begin to notice that all the homes are occupied, none are really what seems to fit my personality and Im feeling let down and alone. Wanting security. I don't give up home and I keep walking and searching.

I come across a staircase. One going down with homes that are vacant but in even worse shape or a staircase with an arrow leading up. I can't see what is up there and I figure I will just take a quick peak. I head over and notice that it is roped off and I feel deflated but a little voice tells me to step forward. As I do the chain falls down. I look around and no one sees me so I sneak over the chain and I see a beautiful neighborhood. The sun is shinning. The homes are brand new and sparkling. The yards are breath-taking. I hear a voice boom "What are you doing here?" In a meek voice I say well the chain fell down and I just wanted to peak. I have bananas and I really want to find my place and not be alone again. The voice says "Your money is no good here!" I feel very sad but determined and ask "Then how do I buy where I am suppose to be?" He tells me "You already paid for it. You are a good person with a heart of gold and you deserve to be happy".

Then Desi woke me up. I see this as God telling me that the others just were not good enough for me. Sure they looked good on the outside but their insides were not what I needed or wanted and there yard would stunt the growth of any relationship. God has someone set aside just for me and when He says the timing is right he will remove the obstacle and I will see the beauty of the love that is there for me. (I also think the woman who paid me bananas for the burnt house was Aimee, hahaha)

2/14

Woke up this morning with a whole new outlook on life. Had my appointment yesterday with the Neurologist for my migraines and she was amazing! She was so in-depth on everything! Lots of explanations and tons of options! I was told that yes I have migraines but there is underlying causes. I have sleep apnea which is why I have been having so many issues with my memory and disorientation. I also have Cervical Dystonia which is the biggest cause of my migraines. She has placed me on new meds that will help with migraine prevention as well as weight loss. Took my first pill last night and over the next 3 weeks will be increasing the dosage. It knocked me on my ass last night and I had the best night sleep that Ive had in a long time! I go back in 5 weeks and at that time she may be putting injections in my neck. She has put me on a sugar free and diary free diet for 5 weeks and I told her about my new exercise bike which she was thrilled that it is a recumbent one since I need to not stress my neck at all.


So last night and this morning I put together my new bike and I love it! The exercise is easy, the bike is super quiet, my only complaint is the seat is uncomfy but Im gonna see if I can find either memory foam or a gel seat to help. The Doctor seems to think that within 2 months I will see a huge difference in my size due to this plan of action. We did talk about weight loss surgery but she said it was a bad idea since most people who have migraines and have that surgery end up in such severe pain from migraines in the future that it isn't worth it.


I feel more energy and upbeat already! I feel happier and I think it is the hope and the good nights sleep that is the cause!

2/11

I did something today that I said I would NEVER do again... I bought a Ford! As most people know I am a Chevy girl BUT the new Fiesta hatchback is cute and comes in a really unique color... Violet Gray! It is super pretty! Im glad to have a worry free vehicle of my own again. No more stupid engine lights, power braking or towing! Had some great memories with the Saab and will miss it but am very happy with my purchase. The gas mileage is great and I still have the ability to open the roof (only as a moonroof but thats ok)

2/5

Less than a week before I go and buy my new car... as long as my tax return gets here in time. Made the appointment with the salesman and told him what I want. Hopefully he has found it, gave him almost 2 weeks notice.

Brenda has been such a sweetheart. She is letting me borrow her greenhouse. I cannot believe how fast my seeds are growing! I planted early since the planter said they should be left in it 4-6 weeks before transplanting BUT my corn is already 5 inches tall and too big to be in the tiny planter. Have some real great seeds I guess haha. Looks like Im gonna have veg and fruit over load this year. Gotta love it!

On another health issue I bought a water cooler so we can have fresh cold water and ordered water service from sparklett today. Time to start getting healthier.

Just over a week before I see the migraine neurologist. I've been keeping a journal of pain, foods and things that seem to bring on the migraines. Praying that it isn't something major wrong with my brain.

Still dreaming of Jesse, but not as often. Miss talking with him. Been trying to keep myself busy and with everything on my plate right now busy is an understatement!